If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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