He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
