Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
