Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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