If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
