I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
