I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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