I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
