if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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