Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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