OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
