I want to have your abortion
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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