the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
