so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
