feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
