Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
