I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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