so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She even gives head with a lisp.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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