we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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