I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
