Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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