you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
