I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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