i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
