i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
