no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
