..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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