You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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