I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
