Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
