so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
