Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
