Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
