well I can't set my house on fire every night
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
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