that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
