member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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