the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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