I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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