Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
