Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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