You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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