well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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