goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Buhtt sex?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
