Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
