so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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