Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
