the condom got lost in my hair
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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