Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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