Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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