dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
