When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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