I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
operation harelip BJ is a go
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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