Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
