It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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