you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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