I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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